I thought my wife was weak and careless with our baby\u2026 but when I came home early and discovered what my mother was feeding her, I understood the monster had been living in my own house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014\u201cWhat kind of mother can\u2019t feed her own child?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Those words came out of my mouth one early morning, while my baby was crying with a desperate wail that felt like it could split the walls apart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today I\u2019m ashamed remembering them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today I would give anything to go back to that moment, kneel in front of my wife, and ask for forgiveness before the damage grew any worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But that night I was exhausted. Tired from work, from debt, from the baby\u2019s crying, from sleeping only three hours, from waking up with dark circles and driving to the office as if my body wasn\u2019t falling apart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My wife, Ananya, had given birth just fifteen days earlier.
Fifteen days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And she looked like a shadow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before delivery, she had full cheeks, bright eyes, that soft laugh that appeared whenever something embarrassed her. But after coming home from the hospital, she began fading. Her cheeks hollowed. She walked slowly, her back bent. Her hands were always cold. Sometimes I would find her sitting at the edge of the bed, staring at our son crying with a guilt so deep it made me uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014\u201cI don\u2019t have milk, Rohan,\u201d she would say in a broken voice. \u201cI try, but nothing comes.\u201d
I didn\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or I didn\u2019t want to understand.
My son, Aarav, would latch onto her breast and suck desperately. Then he would pull away, his face red with frustration, crying as if he had been abandoned. Ananya would cry too, but silently. She would cover her chest, adjust him again, try one side, then the other, biting her lips.
Nothing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or almost nothing.
And instead of holding her, I started blaming her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014\u201cEat properly,\u201d I told her. \u201cRest. Every woman can feed her child if she takes care of herself.\u201d
How ignorant I was.
How cruel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My mother was living with us, having arrived a week before the birth. Her name was Shanta, and she had always been a strong, commanding woman\u2014the kind who would say, \u201cI raised three children without complaining,\u201d as if that gave her the right to dismiss everyone else\u2019s exhaustion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When Ananya delivered the baby, my mother insisted on staying.
\u2014\u201cA new mother knows nothing,\u201d she said. \u201cI\u2019ll take care of her. You focus on work, son.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I believed her.
Every month I gave her money for household expenses. Much more than we usually spent. One thousand dollars exactly. I transferred it on the first of each month and told her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014\u201cMa, buy whatever Ananya needs. Soups, chicken, fruits, milk\u2014anything. Make sure she eats well to recover.\u201d
She would place a hand on my shoulder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t worry, son. I\u2019m taking care of your wife like a queen. I make her chicken soup, vegetables, porridge, everything daily. Any daughter-in-law would be lucky to have a mother-in-law like me.\u201d
I smiled.
I believed her.
Because she was my mother.
And that was my first act of cowardice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At home, things didn\u2019t improve.
Aarav cried every night. Ananya tried to breastfeed, failed, cried, gave formula when we could afford it\u2014but my mother always objected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014\u201cFormula is too expensive,\u201d she would say. \u201cIf she tries harder, milk will come. In our time there were no such things, and babies still grew strong.\u201d
Ananya lowered her head.
Soon, I started repeating it too without realizing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014\u201cListen to my mother,\u201d I told her one night. \u201cShe knows better.\u201d
Ananya looked at me with tearful eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014\u201cI\u2019m trying, Rohan.\u201d
\u2014\u201cThen try harder,\u201d I replied.
That sentence broke her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I saw it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I saw her shrink, as if an invisible hand had squeezed her heart.
But Aarav kept crying again, and I covered my face with the pillow, furious at life, at the noise, at my wife, at everything\u2014except the one person who truly deserved it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One early morning, after nearly an hour of nonstop crying, I snapped.
\u2014\u201cEnough, Ananya!\u201d I shouted. \u201cAren\u2019t you ashamed? Look at the baby. He\u2019s thin. He looks sick. What kind of mother are you if you can\u2019t even eat properly to produce milk?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She was sitting on the bed with Aarav in her arms, her blouse loosely open, tears running down her neck.
\u2014\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d she whispered. \u201cI\u2019m eating\u2026 I really am trying to eat.\u201d
\u2014\u201cThen why isn\u2019t it getting better?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She didn\u2019t answer.
She just lowered her head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I grabbed my pillow and went to sleep on the sofa.
Sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As if I could.
My son\u2019s crying kept cutting through the door.
And my wife\u2019s crying, quieter, but still there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next day I left for work without really looking at her. My mother was in the kitchen making tea.
\u2014\u201cAnanya is being too sensitive,\u201d she told me. \u201cDon\u2019t pamper her. Women after childbirth often act like victims to manipulate.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014\u201cI just want the baby to eat,\u201d I replied.
\u2014\u201cHe will eat. Don\u2019t worry. I\u2019ll handle it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That \u201cI\u2019ll handle it\u201d calmed me.
Today it makes me sick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That Thursday, the office lost power mid-morning. A transformer failed in the industrial area and we were sent home before eleven.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought about calling ahead.
Then I decided not to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wanted to come home as a surprise. I stopped by a pharmacy and bought a large tin of imported baby formula\u2014something so expensive I would have once called it unnecessary. I also bought vitamins for Ananya and some fresh fruit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I drove home feeling, for the first time in days, like a good husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How tragic is the arrogance of someone who arrives too late and still believes he is saving something.
When I entered, the door was barely closed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The house was silent.
Not the peaceful silence of a sleeping baby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A strange silence.
Heavy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The kind that feels like it is hiding shame.
I left the bags in the living room and walked toward the kitchen. I assumed my mother was out at the market or visiting neighbors. I assumed Ananya was resting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I saw her.
My wife was crouched in a corner of the kitchen, near the table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She was eating quickly.
Desperately.
Like someone stealing food.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She had a deep plate in her hands and an old spoon. Every few bites she looked toward the door. Her cheeks were wet\u2014not from steam. From tears.
I froze.
\u2014\u201cAnanya?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She jumped in shock. The spoon fell to the floor.
When she saw me, her face went pale.
\u2014\u201cRohan\u2026 what are you doing here?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked at the plate.
She tried to cover it with both hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That gesture lit something inside me.
Not in the right way at first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014\u201cWhat are you eating?\u201d I asked.
\u2014\u201cNothing. I was just finishing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014\u201cLet me see.\u201d
\u2014\u201cNo, Rohan, please\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I pulled the plate away.
The smell hit me before the sight did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was old rice, hardened in patches. Watery broth with cold grease floating on top. Dark pieces of meat, almost grey, with a sour smell. At the bottom were picked bones, a fish head, scraps of something that should never have been served to a woman who had just given birth.
I felt nauseous.
\u2014\u201cWhat is this?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ananya began to cry.
\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t tell your mother.\u201d
My entire body went cold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014\u201cWhat?\u201d
She dropped to her knees in front of me, as if she were the guilty one.
\u2014\u201cPlease, Rohan. Don\u2019t tell her you saw me. She will get angry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked at the plate.
Then I looked at her.
Thin. Pale. Trembling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My wife.
The mother of my son.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2014\u201cAnanya,\u201d I said, my voice breaking, \u201cthis is what you\u2019ve been eating?\u201d
She covered her face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then her silence answered me before her words ever could.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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